The need to write

It feels like it’s been a while since I have said anything to the world. I used to be quite vocal and very immersed in my networks—excitedly sharing my experiences, asking for advice, and happily giving my advice to others. One of my best friends recently told me that something she admires in me is my ability to get everyone I know very excited about whatever it is I’m currently excited about. But lately, I’ve taken a step back—from most of my relationships other than my very close ones, from all of social media, and from endurance, too, although admittedly that one was pretty much forced on me. I have not stepped back from my horses—I see them nearly every day and they still bring me incredible amounts of joy and purpose. I have needed to step back and recover from the last seven years of my life. Heal my heart, my body, my finances, everything. It’s a lot of work—but even so, that little voice in my head says write… You must write. 

That voice has been telling me to write since I was a little girl. When I was little, I often wrote short stories. Most of those stories were dark and sad and had lots of death and life lessons, and animals ruled all. Throughout middle school and high school, English classes were by far my favorite and was the subject where I excelled. I wrote poetry, stories, and read all of my assigned books plus more. I remember being in the school cafeteria looking at my end-of-the-quarter report card, listening to my friends moan about their AP English grades. My boyfriend at the time (blonde, blue-eyed, Mormon, and Ivy League student) looked down at my card. “What did you get in Miss Petersen’s class?” he asked. “An A?! What did you do, cry to her?” Unfortunately, I continued dating him. 

I always thought I’d be an author and a competitive horseback rider. So what did my high school graduate self do? Stopped riding and went and got a biology degree. Sound familiar to any of you? It was in college where all my creative writing was beaten out of me. I then needed to learn how to write technical, scientific papers—a skill that I eventually got quite good at (and wished I was still good at, as this is now a great freelancing gig… unless AI takes over all soon). I was known amongst my peers as someone who would procrastinate our biggest essays until the night before, stay up all night, and ace the assignment. It was due to this that I became a scientific writing tutor on campus as a job (along with being an Animal Behavior tutor, Plant and Animal Identification tutor, and a duck dissector—just so you have a little glimpse of what my college life was like—ha!). Several blogs were born during college and post-college—one about animals/biology/college life, one cowgirl-y themed one trying to find myself through some growing pains, one just about bats (maybe one just about lizards, too…), one about health and fitness, etc. etc. I was always drawn to a blog as a creative outlet, but none of them stuck. Life, and the blog veering into something too mechanical that no longer resonated with me, always put an end to them.  

Since there are no photos of me writing/tutoring in college, here's one of me working on a moose.

Anyway, I am not saying I am some great writer—just saying it has always been a big piece of me that happened to be reflected well in my grades, and a piece of me that I have ignored for a very long time. In fact, when I read truly great memoirs and novels, that impostor syndrome voice says, “See? You are not this.” But then again, I have read plenty of bad books, which are more common than the great books, and think to myself, “Really? This is selling?” Hmm, maybe the bad ones are worth reading after all to boost my ego. And I know what you may be thinking… so I gave up riding and writing after high school, got a biology degree in wildlife science, and now you are… none of these things? If you are what I like to refer to as a pre-life crisis relationship of mine (the ones who call me “Kimi”), you know me as an animal-loving nerd who worked as a wildlife technician for six years after college. If you’re a post-life crisis relationship of mine, you may only know me through horses. Someone who got hooked on the sport of endurance and trained horses full-time for five years. Oooh, wildlife and horse training—very sexy. My very closest relationships know where I am at now—in healthcare and sales. I only have two horses, one of which is too young to ride, and am currently not competing (although I do have a few plans up my sleeve). How I got from an immensely passion-fueled life to my much safer situationship now is a story I could literally write a book about. And I just might do that… But for now, a blog containing some bits and bites will do. 

So, welcome! And thanks for stopping by. Shoot, it feels like I might actually post this one. This most recent blog effort was actually born almost a year ago. I wrote two posts that I never actually posted, one about crewing at Tevis for the Reynolds in ‘24, and the other about Tess’s EPM (Equine Protozoal Myeloencephalitis) diagnosis last fall. I wrote them all the way up to finish, then felt burnt out and didn’t touch my blog for a few months. I think I’ve got the whole burnout thing figured out (future blog post?) and actually, Tess is doing fantastic. Since pulling endurance out of the picture and expanding my tunnel vision, we have done a multitude of other things. Tess is complicated and a busybody like I am, so she really loves doing something different every day, as do I. Tess is the most sound she has ever felt, far quieter and more confident, and we are both much happier. We’re not out of the woods yet—I had Tess tested for PNE (Polyneuritis), which can develop when horses have had EPM for a while, and she tested positive. It will take time to heal the inflammation in her spinal cord and for the damaged nervous system tissue to remyelinate, but I am feeling very positive that we will get there. I believe she will return to endurance, but we’ll never return to it in the same way. I’ve been reminded how much I really enjoy other aspects of horseback riding, and now we will always be doing a little bit of everything. So, watch for a bright bay Arab mare in the show ring this summer—we’re debuting into new worlds together this year!

horseback riding at antelope island

young horses getting started under saddle

Recent photos from a beautiful ride out on the island and little Ox learning big boy stuff!

And keep an eye on this blog if you feel so inclined. I have a feeling this one is gonna stick. Leave me a comment, reach out, let me know what you wanna read about. Or don’t, that’s fine too. I’m an introvert, I get it. 

Cheers!